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Wedding
Invitation Etiquette--Who Does the Inviting?
We get
inquiries from time to time regarding the name or names that should
be listed as the inviters, or hosts. The answer is quite
simple: whoever is paying is the host, and therefore the
people who are listed.
For
instance, if the parents of the bride are paying for the church and
reception, excluding the items that are traditionally considered
to be the grooms expenses, such as the flowers for the couple's
mothers, the bridal bouquet, etc., the wording would be:
Mr. and
Mrs. John Doe
invite you
to celebrate
the
marriage of their daughter
Miss
Alicia Doe
to
Mister
Richard John Anyman
on
Saturday, February twenty-eighth
two
thousand and five
at
Ebenezer
Baptist Church
Thirty
Misty Lane
Anywhere,
Alabama
If both
parents were paying relatively the same amount of the
expenses, they would be the hosts together, as in:
Mr. and
Mrs. John Doe
and
Mr. and
Mrs. Jacob Anyman
invite you
to celebrate the marriage of their children
If the
couple themselves were paying for the majority of the wedding, they
would be the hosts, and the wording would be:
Miss
Alicia Doe
and
Mister
Richard John Anyman
invite you
to attend their marriage
While their
parents might be paying for a small part of the wedding, they would
not be considered the hosts if the lion's share of the expenses were
met by the couple. For instance, one set of parents might
offer to pay for transportation for the couple and wedding party,
and the other set of parents might offer to pay for an open bar.
They would not be listed as the hosts, because those expenses are
only a small part of the ceremony and reception.
If the
expenses were to be split equally between both parents and the
couple, the invitation would read:
Miss
Alicia Doe
and
Mr.
Richard John Anyman
together
with their parents
Mr. and
Mrs. John Doe
and
Mr. and
Mrs. Jacob Anyman
Despite the
etiquette listed above, the couple might find themselves in a
situation where one or both sets of parents become offended that
they have not been listed by name on the invitation. In such
cases, you have two options. The first option is to list them
as the parents of, while the couple still does the inviting.
The second might involve something like a little blackmail, such as,
"You can consult any etiquette book, and they all say that the
person or persons that pay are the hosts and do the inviting."
However, if you would like us to change the wording . . .
Well, you get the idea.
The wording
to including the parents by name, while still indicating the hosts
would read:
Miss
Alicia Doe
daughter
of
Mr. and
Mrs. John Doe
and
Mr.
Richard Anyman
son of
Mr. and
Mrs. Jacob Anyman
On a formal
wedding invitation, notice that nothing except "Mr." and Mrs." on an
invitation is abbreviated, and numbers are spelled out. Some
invitation manufacturers still recommend using the English style
spelling as well, such as "honour" rather than "honor," but that is
now considered not only optional, but today some regard using
English-style spelling as affected. Notice also that a zip
code in any form is not used
Deceased
parents are not included on a wedding invitation, since they could
not possibly be the hosts. Even if they left one of the couple
to be married money for that purpose, the money would be an
inheritance. Deceased parents may be remembered on the
dedication page of your wedding program, and could also be
remembered during the lighting of the unity candle, with their own
special candle of remembrance.
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